Monday, June 26, 2006

What are you doing here?

My peanut tasted like pepper.

Why do we either miss the old times, or wish for the future times? Why can't we be happy for what's here. Why can't I be happy for what is now?

I try to figure things out. I don't know much, but I know I love you...and that may be all I need to know.

I'm back!

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Ladies and Gentlemen,
I have hence forth decided to retire this blog seeing as how I never update it. I can't delete in entirely because it has years of blogs on it that I know I'll want to look back on. I can, however, be found at my xanga site. where I tend to update pretty regularly depending on my mind. So if you want to know what I'm thinking, that's where you'll find me. I hope to see you there.


Saturday, October 15, 2005

It's been forever, but I'm still here. Believe or not folks, I have officially broken my run of colleges. I have actually gone to the same college for two semesters in a row. Crazy, I know. Although I am no closer to who I am than I have ever been, I am at least doing something consecutively for the first time in my life and it feels good....strange, but good.

I don't really know what I'm doing. I'm existing...and I realize that sometimes that is all we can do, but I feel so....I don't know, nothing. I don't feel good, or bad, or sad, or happy really. For someone who has more emotions that most, it's strange not to really feel anything. What does it mean even? Life in monotonous, and I know that, and I understand and accept that, but it's still stupid sometimes. I think the hardest thing to decipher is what really matters in life. I'd go crazy if I tried to make everything matter, but at the same time, it's ridiculous how bad I am at understanding what I should and should not worry about. I guess techniquely I shouldn't "worry" about anything, but I'm only human...and not a very good one at that.

Texas Tech beat the crap out of Kansas State(eventually)so that's exciting. I was worried about the boys there for a little while, but they pulled back in. My friend is cooking Lindsey and I dinner tonight. He has blue eyes and he makes me laugh...=)=)=)

I miss everyone.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Only save,try to find another way,I’m taking what I gave to you again.Some new day I could understand your face,you could even hold my hand if you would like to.It came up unexpected,I had to follow throughand it’s hard when you were working like you do.It was easy when you were younger,you can put it back together,it was there if you ever wanted itbut you closed the door and said goodbye for good.So this is a mistake,try to find a better way,you were never fond of anything I said.Can we begin again?Save it for another friend,I was happy in my life I won’t pretend,every time you were expecting to reach out and forgive this,I was hardened by the look upon your face,it was easy when you were younger,you can put it back together,it was there if you ever wanted it,but you closed the door and said goodbye for good,for good…you were easy

Monday, June 06, 2005

You know when you are walking out a door and there are people behind you...and if you decide to hold the door open for them, it takes forever for them to get to the door and you are thinking that you should have just let the door shut, but then the time that you actually let the door shut, it feels like you slammed the door in the persons face? I hate that. This seems to be a pretty good analogy for my life at the moment however....Anything that I decide to close the door on, it was too soon and I missed the chance to do something great. Then, anything that I decide to dwell on and 'leave open', so to speak, ends up with me waiting something out that should have probably just been closed.

On a completely different note...anyone have any good suggestions on Bible verses that deal with jealousy and how rotten being jealous all the time is? I could go for some of those right about now...

Life is a funny thing.

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Things that I am loving right now:
1. My dad's subscription to a music downloading site...glorious...
2. The color brown
3. Target
4. Rufus Wainwright
5. Sleeping(It's amazing...I'm actually doing it...)
6. Old friends, new friends
7. Coffee...I'm really trying to cut back.
8. The fact that I am RETURNING to the same college I was at in the spring(I wasn't sure it could be done. I was thinking of seeing if I could break a record or something, but alas, Tech has kind of stuck on me.)
9. My new Beatles T-Shirt
10. My VHS's
11. My dog
12. My house
13. The song Going to California by Zeppelin...

Things I am loving not so much right now:
1. The price of gas
2. The fact that my check engine light is on
3. The lack of Daybreak Coffee Roasters here
4. My obsessions
5. Remembering not so loveable things
6. Summer school looming in the distance
7. My guitar
8. My affinity for chocolate...actually, I would be ok with this if it weren't bad for you...someone should work on that
9. My skin
10. My messy, messy unpacked room/car
11. Summer jobs...ick...

Thursday, May 12, 2005

On dissapointment:
I'm usually so careful when it comes to what I'll let get to me. I try so hard to guard myself from being let down, because if there is one thing that I hate in this world, it's being dissapointed. I knew better...I did. But for some stupid reason, I let my guard down one time, and that was all it took. I'm mad at myself, because it's my own fault. I sometimes wonder why life does that to you. It lifts you up sooo high and then drops you on your face...bummer. Anyway, life will go on and odds are I will be dissapointed again so I'm going to have to get over it I suppose. On a happier note...I made a 93 on my Physics final and in my excitement, I fell down the stairs. That was fun. Oh bla dee, oh bla daa, life goes on...