Thursday, February 26, 2004

Ok...I promise that these lyrics aren't suppose to mean that I'm depressed or anything. I just really really like them. It's really crazy how they can be so sad, but so strikingly wonderful at the same time. I just think that they speak very truthfully about the redundancy of life at times. This beautiful.

All around me are familiar faces
Worn our places, worn out faces
Bright and early for the morning races
Going nowhere, going nowhere

And their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, No expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
That the dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
That when people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad World

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen

Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, No one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me

Tuesday, February 24, 2004

"Learning takes us through many states of life, but it fails utterly in the hour of danger and temptation. Then faith alone saves."
As Katherine would say it... Ghandi... rocks my face off. Hey guys... are we doing the Switchfoot thing?

Sunday, February 22, 2004

Saturday night I was alone at Barnes and Noble listening (and crying I might add) to some classical music. Little did I know that standing right next to me was a girl that I grew up with. After we both realized who each other was (that made sense) we then proceeded to talk until the store closed at 11. Mind you, it was about 8:30 when I went. It was one of those things where we had grown up together and always been in the same things together but never really hung out(even when I dated her brother, who happened to be there as well...=/). Anyway, it was possibly one of the best conversations I have had with anyone in a long time. Somehow, half way through the conversation we realized that we had the exact same problems about pretty much everything. It was such a revelation to me to feel that someone else is going through the same things that I am. Our conversation went from what we were going to do with our lives, our lack of decision making abilities, our obsession with food and what it does when you eat it, how we wanted to do so much with our lives, and how we wanted to be a mime in New York. After that last bit of the conversation, we then worked out our mime routine in the middle of the CD section. Now I know that it is just how God works, but it never ceases to amaze me when run ins like this happen. I guess it had just been so long since I had actually talked about what was going on with me and my world that it was such a huge relief to not only get it out, but to find that someone I know and have grown up with, is going through the exact same thing. I somehow feel like everything is just going to be ok, and I have a new sense of who I am and what I'm doing here. So that being said, I have the sense that I need to be in bed. "Faith is not being sure where you are going, but going anyway."

Wednesday, February 18, 2004

Ok so I'm over it. Good thing that didn't take long. I think that one night is a record for me in the heartbreak department! So my speech class was cancelled so that was pretty excellent. Have you even been sitting, or doing something, or making some sort of face that you don't realize how ugly or awkward it is until you've been doing it for awhile?(I'm not sure that made sense...) Anywho, today when I was sitting in History going over the test that I barely passed due to the fact that he counts off for spelling(and the fact that I didn't study) I realized that I was sitting in my chair in possibly one of the most ridiculous ways one can sit in a chair. Not only were my feet sticking out in the aisle, but my head was barely over the desk I was slinked down so low in the chair. It's amazing to me the things that we realize and the things that we don't. Needless to say, about 10 minutes after this absurd sitting started, I realized that I was being ridiculous and straightened myself out. I was wondering why the professor kept looking at me funny....

Tuesday, February 17, 2004

Ok I know I said that in the last post I would promise to not be depressing, but I think I might have lied. Sometimes, I get so stinking mad at my heart. It forces me to feel things that I don't want to feel. It forces me to be dissapointed about things that I don't want to be dissapointed in. To finally gather enough courage up to do something about something, and to feel completely defeated when it is all said and done with is just something I would rather not feel. OH man!... does this hurt...=(

Friday, February 06, 2004

After reviewing all of my previous blogs, I've decided that they are ridiculously depressing for no reason at all. I promise that I am generally a happy person(except when I write songs...but let's face it... there are very few people that are actually happy when they write songs). Despite the few fast ball that's God has thrown in my direction(and I have to say... I suck at baseball) I have had a life that so many people can only dream of having. I have a beautiful family that shares a love deeper than I could of ever hoped for. I have been given grace and opportunity that I deserve about as much as an onion(I'm pretty sure that made no sense but I'm hungry and so I had to throw a food reference in there somewhere). All in all, I have more things to be happy about at this very moment than a lot of people have in their whole lifetime. Therefore, I have decided to get over myself and stop pretending that I have something to be depressed about. I have also decided that George Harrison is my favorite Beatle but now that just doesn't really fit into this blog. Anyway, that being said, most of my blogs should be fairly uplifting from here on out. So until my next blog, farewell and happy blogging!

Wednesday, February 04, 2004

I'm afraid that I have the self-discipline of a 2 year old child. There are so many things that I try to do and know that I need to do and somehow... I manage to completely not do them. I have pretty much been this way my whole life. Unfortunately, it's because of this lack of self-discipline that I have become consumed by something that I shouldn't be consumed by. I know that the only truly good thing to be consumed by is God and his workings, and believe me, that's what I wish I was consumed by. No matter how hard I fight worldy, materialistic things, I can't seem to help but be addicted. I hate what society has done to the world's image but I can't really blame them. If I were strong and not a hypocrite, I could void this image out and focus on the one image that counts. Sadly, I am weak, and lack the control needed to be a genuine person. I hate the feeling I get when things that should be so much smaller than me, grow to be 10 times bigger than me. I know that I am bigger than all this... but why is it always so hard for me to rise to the occasion?