Tuesday, March 30, 2004

So... I'm going to see Switchfoot in 3 days... I think that pretty much sums up all of my feelings at the moment.

Friday, March 26, 2004

So it's Friday night and I have just spent the evening sitting in my room playing some tunes on the guitar. Now this is not a bad thing, and it is, in fact, what I had intended to do when I left work today, but it wasn't all that I expected it to be. At one point in time, I went downstairs and started a card game with my mother. That didn't last long. Half way through the game my mother says, "Why don't you play solitaire?" It's official... even my mother thinks I'm lame. Now Zoolander may be just a funny, good time flick, but I have found myself asking the question "Who am I?" a lot here lately. That's one of those questions that you can really spend a lot of time thinking about without even thinking about it. It's so strange that it seems so simple and yet it is somehow ridiculously huge(I threw the ridiculous in there for Zoolanderous purposes). Sometimes, I want so badly to just breakdown. I'm not sure what I would do in this breakdown, but I would sure like to just let everything go. Everything that I think about for hours when I'm lying in bed, the millions of things that go through my head every time I eat something, the way I feel every time I pass a magazine stand. To tell you the truth...I can talk about loving others all day long, but unless I somehow manage to learn to love myself, and accept me for me, then I don't think I can love others the way they deserved to be loved. I know this probably makes me sound ridiculous and depressing...but maybe it's time to face the truth.

-The hand that I've been dealt, it seems my walls are caving in
-There has to be a way for me to crawl out of this skin
-I'd walk away, I'd leave it all, and finally be free
-To make my way through life and be who I was meant to be

Monday, March 22, 2004

"How happy is the blameless Vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd."
-Alexander Pope

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

- And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
- 1 Corinthians 13:13
There are two things that I really hate... being mean and being sunburned. Unfortunately... today... I was both of these things. Consequently... today was a pretty horrible day. It's always so ironic however, that days like these come so soon after I have learned something about loving. I guess God just uses days like to today to show me just how unloving I really am. I truly want to be so much better. I know that I am a very cynical person and unless I am talking with someone who is just as cynical, I think that I just come off as being mean and hateful. That... is the last thing I want to be. I wish that I had been born with a soft-spoken attitude, but I wasn't. I don't know if I even really know how to just be nice. I mean... I don't go around hitting people and calling them stupid maniacs (Thanks to Madison for that one... I knew her name calling would come in handy someday), but I still just don't know how to be genuinely nice. I guess (and hope) that it's just one of those things that I have to learn about the hard way... and that someday... people will view me as a kind and gentle person, as opposed to the sarcastic, can't have a normal conversation person that I am now.
- Where there is love, there is life.
- Mahatma Gandhi

Monday, March 01, 2004

Pet Peeves, Pet Peeves... so many to name... so little space. The following do NOT rock my face off.
1.) Dropping Laundry the whole way downstairs.
2.) Getting stuck in Traffic.
3.) When my parents ask me repeatedly what is wrong after I have told them repeatedly... nothing.
4.) Skinny folks who eat what they want, when they want and reap no excess flab from these things.
5.) People who don't smile.
6.) People who talk just so they can hear their voice.
7.) Tuning into the radio at the end of my favorite songs.
8.) Children who can't obey their elders.
9.) The pay check not being as big as you wanted it to be.
10.) When the dads plans our vacation...(BIG FREAKING NO NO!)
11.) The media... for always making me feel wonderful about myself. Thanks guys...
The following list of things, are things that I adore and am highly thankful for.
1.) The fact that God loves me.
2.) Music
3.) My family
4.) History
5.) People who smile.
6.) Roly Poly
7.) People with self-confidence.
8.) Soft sheets.
9.) Starbucks
10.) The Revolutionaries.. for wanting something different.
11.) My dog.
Orange tick tacks make your boobs grow....I'm pretty sure I read that somewhere. I wish I knew why the second list was so much harder to make than the first. I think it must have something to do with the fact that I tend to look mostly at the empty side of the glass. Hmm...It's a very, VERY...Mad world.