Friday, September 24, 2004

So I'm sitting at the computers at school and there is a little boy in front of my 'talking' on his father's cell phone. It's ridiculously cute and makes me wish I were his age again. It makes me wish that I still got a kick out of small things like playing with my parents cell phone(this aside from the fact that when I was his age, my parents didn't have a cell phone, let alone a really cool flip phone). Why is is that children have such a better grasp on their lives? It's ok, I just answered that question for myself. Growing up is really a bummer sometimes. Today when I was driving to class I heard that Martina McBride song In my Daughters Eyes and I started bawling! lol... I'm such a shmuck. But I've decided that being a shmuck is definitely underrated. I hope that everyone is wonderful and that you are taking the time to enjoy the small things in life like I have failed to do in the last few weeks. Until next time...

Monday, September 13, 2004

Although I am sad that Katherine is feeling the way she feels, I am glad that I am not the only one who is fighting this college thing. Last night I lay in bed for at least 3 hours wondering why I was even there. I moved away from the house and away from NCTC to do new things, meet people who had an IQ that wasn't negative, and just figure out what I was going to do with my life. I can never figure out why I keep getting stuck. One minute I am 100% that I want to do this and then the next I have completely changed my mind. Like acting for instance...before I came here I knew that's what I wanted to do. Now that I am here and actually in acting classes, I have no desire to do this at all. I wonder if I'll ever figure where my little contribution to the career world is going to fit in. I dropped my Monday night acting class this morning (after debating over it pretty much all night last night). Now, I am only taking 9 hours and I can't help but feel like a loser. I know that 9 hours is better than no hours but I can't figure out why I keep backing away from things. Arrrggghhh!! lol... I hope that someday I will figure this out. Unfortunately, today is not that day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either...but SOMEDAY! Until I guess I'll just take my measly 9 hours and do the best I can. Hope all is well to those who read this blog. Until then...

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

Sucks to my car!! 2 years old and the stupid thing didn't pass inspection...Thanks Volkswagen! Anywho, I finally found a pair of jeans today and I can tell that they are going to be great jeans (I'm so deep... lol). I read Katherine's blog tonight and it's interesting because I am in an ethics class this semester and am moments away from writing a paper for the class. It's really amazing that there are so few 'nice' and ethical people in the world. Each day is filled with immoral stupid people that drive me up the wall and I turn around and am immoral and stupid to someone else. It just rubs off on me. I remember back in the day(I am 19 now so I can say that..ha ha!) when we were taught that a smile could make someone's day. Well... in today's society a smile just becomes a big question. Why is that person smiling at me? Do I have something on my face? Is he/she perverted and are they thinking weird things about me? It's very hard for a smile to just be a smile. So I think about it and when I feel like smiling at someone I wonder... will this person think I'm a total creep if I smile at them. All in all...a very simple gesture has become a huge decision for me. It feels wonderful outside... I'm going to go and sit.

Sunday, September 05, 2004

"Maybe that's all a family really is; a group of people who miss the same imaginary place."
One of the coolest lines of a movie ever. If you haven't seen Garden State yet... you must you must. I had the pleasure of seeing Napoleon Dynamite the other night and while it's not on quite the same level as Garden State... it was a humorous flick, filled with stupid, quoteable lines, and a great dance scene. So my birthday came and went. I can't tell you how wonderful it feels to be 19... such a monumental age... lol. It's amazing how I can feel so young and so old at the same time. My friend Ashley stayed with me last night for the first time since Adam died and it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. She told me everything that had happened for the first time and told me exactly how she felt and what she was going through. There was absolutely nothing I could do for her but sit there and listen and I so hated that. I hate that there is nothing I can do for her. Ugh... these emotions are just too silly to deal with. I'm sorry that the last few blogs have been so very sad but I guess I'm just in a rut. I will say that I am really enjoying my new school and living on my own. Things are going really well for me but the fact that I know Ashley is dieing just makes it hard for me to enjoy my good things. In time... in time. I truly hope that everyone is having a good Labor Day weekend and enjoying their lives! =). I promise more uplifting blogs in the future.